How to Help Someone with Postpartum Depression
Takeaway: Postpartum depression is something that many new moms deal with, but not something that many people know how to help with. If you're looking for information on how to help a family member with postpartum depression, you're in the right place. From recognizing the warning signs to avoiding harmful clichés, I'll cover the essential tips and strategies for supporting a loved one with postpartum depression in this blog.
Did you know that one in 10 women experience postpartum depression (PPD)?
That means that you've likely experienced PPD or known someone who has. Like you, I've seen the impact depression can have on new mothers and their family members --- but I've also seen the power of supportive relationships in helping someone with postpartum depression heal and thrive in new parenthood.
In this blog, we'll explore different ways you can provide emotional support, practical help, and a non-judgmental listening ear to help the new parent in your life navigate this challenging time.
Let's get started by looking at some of the warning signs that may appear after childbirth.
Knowing the Warning Signs for Postpartum Mental Health
As you welcome a new baby into your family, remember that the postpartum period can be a vulnerable time for new mothers. Recognizing postpartum depression symptoms is the best way you can begin to help your partner or loved one as they grow and learn how to adjust to motherhood.
Watch for persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and helplessness, along with changes in appetite, sleep, and energy levels. Other signs include trouble bonding with the new baby, irritability, anxiety, and thoughts of self-harm or suicide. If you notice any of these signs, it's time to step in and help -- immediately.
New moms may not always be able to recognize when they're experiencing postpartum depression, so that makes your knowledge even more important. PPD symptoms typically last for around six months after the baby is born, but can linger for years. Sometimes, they may appear during pregnancy.
10 Ways to Help Someone with Postpartum Depression
1. Don't Place Expectations on New Moms
After birth, a new mom's hormone levels fluctuate and can cause their emotions to run high. Avoid putting pressure on your loved one to bounce back quickly or meet societal standards of motherhood, which can increase their feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Let them know it's okay to take their time to heal, both physically and emotionally, without feeling like a "bad mom" for not instantly snapping back into shape. Refrain from commenting on their appearance or weight loss, instead focusing on supporting their well-being as they navigate the challenges of new motherhood and, potentially, depression.
2. Provide a Listening Ear
Be present and available to listen, without judgment or interruption, when your family member is struggling with postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety after the arrival of their new baby. Allow them to express their emotions and thoughts freely, without offering unsolicited advice. Show them empathy and understanding through your words and body language, acknowledging the rapid drop in mood after pregnancy and the impact it can have on their health. By providing a listening ear, you can help them feel heard, validated, and a little less alone.
3. Help with Household Chores
After having a new baby, most new parents have a difficult time managing tasks around the house and caring for their child (or children). Offer to help with chores to alleviate some of the burden. By doing this, you can give your loved one more time to rest and focus on self-care. However, make sure you're helping with tasks that your loved one identifies as top priorities so you don't cause additional stress and worsen their postpartum depression. Remember, you're there to solve problems, not create them. Here are a few ideas:
Make meals or bring over groceries to help with mealtime.
Assist with childcare duties like feeding, bathing, or putting the baby to sleep.
Do a load of laundry.
4. Respect Boundaries
Recognize when your loved one needs alone time or space and respect their wishes. Avoid dropping by unannounced or calling excessively, and let them know it's okay to say no to visitors or activities without feeling guilty. If you've had a baby, you'll know how much of a relief it is to have people who understand and respect the space both you and your partner need.
5. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Sometimes, just a simple acknowledgment may help prevent a new mom's postpartum depression from taking a more severe form. Validate your loved one's emotions by letting them know that their feelings are real and understandable, especially during the first few weeks of caring for a baby. Avoid minimizing their concerns or telling them to stay positive when they're struggling with symptoms of postpartum depression, a serious form of depression that can impact their mental and physical health --- along with putting them at an increased risk of feeling like they aren't a good mom. Let them know that it's okay to not be okay and that you're there to support them without judgment.
6. Don't Say It's Just the "Baby Blues"
You likely aren't a mental health provider, so it's important to leave the diagnosing to someone who specializes in women's health. Don't downplay your loved one's symptoms by telling them they just have the "baby blues" or that feeling sad is just a normal part of pregnancy or giving birth. Postpartum depression is one of the many mental health conditions women can deal with after having a baby, which is why getting a depression screening is so important.
7. Support Their Self-Care
If they don't get treatment for their postpartum depression immediately, self-care can make a world of difference. If they're dealing with symptoms like severe mood swings or having trouble sleeping, it's even more needed. Encourage them to prioritize self-care activities like the ones listed below as part of their efforts to treat depression:
Offer to watch the baby while they take a break or go to an appointment.
Help them schedule self-care time into their daily routine.
If they're breastfeeding, help them organize their breast milk and other supplies to avoid stress.
8. Forego Advice About Giving Birth and Raising a Baby
The last thing any new mom wants is to be compared to other mothers; chances are, she's already done that. Instead of critiquing their parenting abilities and making them feel like a bad person, support them in getting the health care they need to heal from their postpartum depression.
9. Make Plans
Offer to make plans that can boost their health and steer their mind away from their postpartum depression, like going out to eat healthy foods or doing something relaxing to help them get as much rest as possible. The more they can get out and do things they enjoy, the less likely they will stay in the house and ruminate.
10. Help Them Find a Mental Health Professional
As a therapist who works with women dealing with postpartum depression, postpartum psychosis, and more, I see family members question how to support someone with postpartum depression every day. It's difficult to know when to step in to assist, or if you even should, but your support is much needed to help your loved one in their postpartum recovery. Raising a baby isn't easy, and it takes a village.
Encourage your loved one to seek medical care and treatment for their PPD, especially if you know they have a history of depression, bipolar disorder, or any other type of mental health condition. Getting the appropriate treatment for perinatal depression not only leads to better outcomes for moms, but also decreases their risk for other medical issues or more severe mental health issues like postpartum psychosis or anxiety. Whether they choose to attend support groups. or find local resources for new moms, helping them access any of the health resources within their reach is a way to help them with their treatment and recovery.
If your loved one is interested in exploring talk therapy as a valuable resource to manage their postpartum depression, I warmly invite them to schedule a consultation with me. Together, we can work towards conquering post partum depression.