5 Tips on How to Overcome Postpartum Intrusive Thoughts
Takeaway: Whether you’re a new mother or are preparing to welcome another baby into the world, you’re likely nervous about dealing with the postpartum period. With the risk of postpartum depression and anxiety being so high, it’s always good to know the warning signs. In this blog, you’ll learn about how to overcome postpartum intrusive thoughts, plus some other tips on coping with the stress of motherhood.
It’s normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions after having a baby. You’re probably overwhelmed, overstimulated, and exhausted — but excited for the start of this new chapter. It’s a lot to take in, and when you don’t have many resources, that’s even more difficult. Intrusive thoughts don’t make adjusting to the newness of parenthood any easier.
These thoughts can be distressing, but they don’t mean you’re a bad mom or that you’re going to harm your baby. They are actually a sign of heightened awareness of your baby’s vulnerability rather than any genuine desire to cause harm. The key is not to judge yourself too harshly for these thoughts and to recognize them as just thoughts. Acknowledging and understanding their nature can reduce their impact and help you manage them more effectively.
In this guide, I’ll walk you through what postpartum depression and intrusive thoughts are and provide tips on how to deal with them. Let’s get started.
Postpartum Depression and Intrusive Thoughts
Postpartum depression (PPD) is more than just feeling down after giving birth or the “baby blues.” It’s a real, clinical mood disorder that can affect new moms. One in seven women can experience it, but many cases go undiagnosed because the symptoms aren’t viewed as anything other than the typical sadness that happens in the first couple of weeks. Eventually, these symptoms go away — PPD can last for years after the birth of your baby.
PPD significantly amplifies the frequency and intensity of intrusive thoughts in new mothers because it affects mood and anxiety levels. The hormonal and emotional fluctuations you could experience during postpartum might create a heightened state of worry or fear – causing distressing, unwanted thoughts. Other symptoms of PPD, like feelings of inadequacy or guilt, act as catalysts that exacerbate these intrusive thoughts and make you feel even more isolated or anxious.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder and various mood and anxiety disorders are other conditions that could incite intrusive thoughts. Some examples of intrusive thoughts you might experience with any of these maternal mental health conditions are:
What happens if I drop my baby?
Should I leave my baby in the car when I’m shopping? Or for the night?
Am I really the best mother to take care of my child?
Recurring thoughts and images of your baby dying.
How do I react if something violent happens to my baby?
I’m not fit to be a mother. Someone else could raise my child better than me.
What if I drive off the road with my baby?
Sometimes, these thoughts may go beyond questioning what happens if something goes wrong and turns violent:
Shaking your baby when they’re crying
Touching your baby inappropriately
Harming yourself (through suicidal ideation or attempts, or even self-harm practices like cutting or burning)
When this happens, your brain isn’t a peaceful place to be. Violent thoughts can impair your judgment, making it challenging to have the parenting experience that you deserve and your child needs. Let’s explore the bigger implications of these scary thoughts.
Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts, Too
Reading through those examples, you might think, “How could I ever think about harming my baby?” – but that’s the point. Postpartum intrusive thoughts aren’t typically things you regularly think about; they are filled with more anxiety, worry, or violence.
Too many mothers go through their entire pregnancy thinking that these thoughts aren’t common, leaving them feeling isolated and discouraged. We typically don’t associate those people with positive motherhood experiences, especially since society holds unrealistic expectations about new mothers. Because of this, it’s easy to label yourself a “bad mom” when intrusive thoughts happen.
But without getting into a debate about what a “good mom is,” it's essential to remember that having intrusive thoughts does not reflect your capability or worth as a parent. These thoughts do not define your intentions or love for your child. They are simply a common, albeit unsettling, part of many mothers' postpartum experiences.
Remind yourself — good moms have scary thoughts, too.
6 Tips on How to Overcome Postpartum Intrusive Thoughts
1. Distraction is your best friend.
Distracting your mind is a powerful tool for overcoming postpartum intrusive thoughts because it shifts your focus away from the negative thoughts and towards something more positive or neutral. Simple exercises, different tasks around the house, reading a chapter in a book, or watching your favorite TV show are ways to break the cycle of intrusive thoughts, giving you a temporary break and anchoring your mind in reality. This tip works with other anxiety disorders, too, not just ones related to intrusive thoughts.
2. Prevent a postpartum identity crisis.
Continuing your hobbies is a way to practice distraction as self-care, something that’s extremely important during the beginning stages of motherhood. Postpartum identity crises can happen to any woman after giving birth, especially when they stop participating in things they love. Keeping your brain active with your favorite activities also reduces the space the unwanted thoughts have in your mind.
3. Seek emotional support from your loved ones.
Support from loved ones provides a significant buffer against the stress of intrusive thoughts. Sharing your experiences with someone who cares provides a sense of comfort. Loved ones can also offer reassurance and a different perspective, helping you see that these thoughts don’t reflect your true self or abilities as a mother.
Asking family members about their perinatal mood experience and what their new motherhood period was like is another way to validate your emotions. What did your mother in law deal with? How about your mom? The trusted women in your life can share what influenced personal experiences during their pregnancy and how they dealt with full plates as new mothers.
If your help from friends and family is limited, try finding a group where moms validate other moms. Even in your darkest mothering moments, having someone who understands can boost your overall emotional strength. Not many people understand what it's like to be a new mother, so surrounding yourself with new parents and people in the perinatal mental health community can help you adjust during a difficult period.
4. Normalize the thoughts.
Combatting the stigma and normalizing your symptoms are two helpful steps before you can work through intrusive thoughts. Understanding that these scary thoughts are a common part of many mothers’ postpartum experiences can help you feel less fearful of being judged, making it easier to get help. By normalizing these thoughts, you also allow yourself to deal with them more rationally and less emotionally. Remember, you’re not alone!
5. Educate yourself on maternal mental health.
Education about maternal mental health is liberating and empowering, providing an understanding of the symptoms and triggers of postpartum issues like intrusive thoughts. Knowing more about what you should expect after giving birth and when to seek help demystifies what’s not true and alleviates unnecessary worry.
Diane Barnes, Ph.D., LMFT, is one of the leading experts on maternal mental health. Her 2014 book Women’s Reproductive Mental Health Across the Lifespan is considered world class guidance, along with being a powerful and relevant book for new mothers. Diving into other materials, whether that be a simple Google search for health websites or reading a seminal book about helping mothers cope with intrusive thoughts, is another way to combat your difficult mental state.
Other articles, like my guide to postpartum depression and a blog exploring the specifics of managing the mental load of motherhood, are other great resources.
6. Meet with a therapist.
If you're struggling with postpartum intrusive thoughts, seeing a mental health therapist trained in women's reproductive mental health is a step towards understanding and managing these challenging experiences in a supportive and confidential environment.
I believe the most effective therapy goes beyond the typical advice mothers receive about postpartum mental health, given that many women don’t feel prepared to handle parenting challenges as their baby grows. The secret fears of new parenthood shouldn’t darken your days as a mother. If dark, intrusive thoughts do present themselves, you can work with a therapist to create a safety plan outlining what to do and who to call when you’re feeling panicked. Although it's a frank discussion, it could make a significant difference during your postpartum period.
Find Your Go-To Resource for Maternal Mental Health Disorders
Seeking help is a brave decision. It's easy to wish your thoughts remain secret, especially if you're a first-time mom. To ease into the idea of working with a licensed therapist for your postpartum depression and scary thoughts, schedule a consultation to learn more about my postpartum therapy services.